Bullying Issues:  A Guide for Parents / Carers of a child with SEND

 

What is bullying?

Bullying is intentional, repeated aggressive behavior where one person (or group of people) uses power—such as physical strength, popularity or access to embarrassing information to harm, intimidate, or control another person.

It can happen in person, online (cyberbullying) or through social exclusion.

 

What different forms can bullying take?

• Physical: Taking or spoiling their things, pushing, kicking, hitting, pinching and other forms of violence or threats.
• Verbal: Persistent name-calling, spreading rumours, teasing.
• Emotional: Not letting them join in play or games or social activities. Not talking to them, tormenting, ridiculing and humiliating
• Sexual: Unwanted physical contact or unkind sexualised comments
• Cyber bullying: Harassment, intimidation, threats, exclusion, rejection or images received through social media, computer, mobile phones and instant messaging

 

Emotional bullying for example ridiculing and exclusion, seems to be more common than physical violence and it can also be the most difficult type of bullying to cope with or prove.

 

What aspects of a person can bullies target?

• Race: (including religion/culture)
• Sexual orientation
• Disability
• Age
• Size

 

What are the effects of long term bullying?

Persistent bullying can result in:

• depression
• low self-esteem
• shyness
• poor academic achievement
• isolation
• threatened or attempted suicide

 

What are the signs that may indicate my child is being bullied?

A child may indicate thay they are being bullied through signs or changes in behaviour.

Adults should be aware of these possible signs and behaviours and should investigate if a child:

• Is frightened of walking to or from school
• Doesn't want to go on the school / public bus
• Begs to be driven to school
• Changes their usual routine
• Is unwilling to go to school (school phobic)
• Begins truanting
• Becomes withdrawn, anxious, or lacking in confidence
• Starts stammering
• Attempts or threatens suicide or runs away
• Cries themselves to sleep at night or has nightmares
• Feels ill in the morning
• Begins to do poorly in school work
• Comes home with clothes torn or books damaged
• Has possessions go "missing"
• Asks for money or starts stealing money (to pay bully)
• Has dinner or other monies continually "lost"
• Comes home starving (money/ lunch has been stolen/spoilt)
• Becomes aggressive, disruptive or unreasonable
• Has unexplained cuts or bruises
• Is bullying other children or siblings
• Stops eating
• Is frightened to say what's wrong
• Gives unlikely excuses for any of the above

These signs and behaviours could indicate other problems, but bullying should be considered a possibility and should be investigated.

 

What can I do if I think my child is being bullied?

• Talk to your child about what is happening; be calm, show sensitivity, show concern
• Reassure your child that he / she is not to blame
• If at all possible, act with your child’s agreement
• Contact a member of staff at the school e.g. head of year
• Expect the school to take you seriously and take appropriate action. You can read the school's Bullying Policy which you can access on the school website.
• Make the school aware that your child is frightened  and concerned that the bullying could get worse because it has been reported

 

What can I do to keep my child safe from online bullying?

Set up ground rules with your child so that they know what to do as soon as they recognise that they are being bullied. 

These could include:

1. Telling a trusted adult right away such as you as the parent/ carer or a teacher, teaching assistant or another grown-up who they trust.

2. Not responding to mean messages.

3. Blocking the person - On most apps or games, you can block people so that they cannot message your child again.

4. Saving the messages or screenshots  as it’s important to save proof of the bullying so that action can take action.

5. Reporting it on the app or website - Most online games, apps, and websites have a way to report bullying. This tells the company someone is breaking the rules.

6. Taking a break - If the bullying is upsetting your child encourage them to take time away from the screen. 

 

What else can I do as a parent/ carer?

• Do look for signs of distress shown by your child
• Do listen carefully to your child
• Do take your child’s concerns seriously
• Do encourage your child to tell you what has been happening. Ease them into conversation about their day as they may find it difficult to talk about it.
• Do report any trouble that has been encountered
• Do help your child to try and find a safe solution
• Look through your child's school/college bullying policy and familiarise yourself with the steps the school should be taking
• Do talk to the school
• Do stay positive when talking to your child about attending school

 

What things should I avoid doing? 

• Don't ignore your child if they say they are worried about certain people or being in certain places.
• Don't promise to keep the bullying secret.
• Don’t blame the child, being bullied is not their fault although they may think it is.
• Don’t tell your child: “just put up with it”. Bullying is never acceptable. Action needs to be taken to stop bullying.
• Don’t tell your child to fight back. The bully may be stronger and your child may get hurt.
• Don’t immediately rush off and deal with the situation yourself.
• Don’t emphasise how bad the situation is by interrogating your child on a daily basis as this can make the child more upset and reluctant to talk.

 

What should I expect the school to do?

Each school should have an anti-bullying policy which is usually available on the school's website or you can ask the school for a copy.

All schools should recognise and state categorically that bullying is unacceptable and will not be tolerated.

All schools should seek to provide a safe, secure and positive environment in which children and young people can develop and grow making full use of the range of facilities available to them.

Children, young people and the adults involved with them are entitled to be treated with respect and understanding and to participate in any activity free from intimidation.

 

What steps can I take if the bullying doesn’t stop?

• Let the school know straight away your concerns i.e. speak to the class teacher, head of year, head teacher or special educational needs coordinator (SENCO)
• Have a meeting with the school to try and resolve the issue which may not happen immediately but keep meeting and working with them
• Keep a record of all the incidents with dates and times and any steps taken by the school and/or yourself to address the issue
• Speak about the issue at your child’s annual review
• Go to the GP if the bullying is making your child fearful and stressed
• Check the school is following the bullying policy
• Ask the school for their Complaint's Procedure
• Complain to the school if the issue has not been resolved by writing to the head teacher and chair of governors and keeping a copy of the letter
• Make a formal complaint to the Director of Children’s Services at the local authority if the issue has still not been resolved and you are still unhappy with how the school and governors have dealt with it

For more information, please read our Havering SENDIASS bullying information sheet for parents

If you are unable to find the information that you require please contact us 

 

Sources of advice and further information

Anti-bullying Alliance

Bullying UK (practical information and advice for young people about bullying)

Bullybusters

CEOP (Child exploitation and online protection)

ChildLine (Free and confidential telephone service for children)

Kidscape

Young Minds